January 2009
14 posts
“I told you that I was happy for you, and given the chance, I’d lie again. ...”
– Tim McGraw, Just to See You Smile
Sometimes it’s better to lie because you want someone to be happy. Telling the truth is overrated. It’s better for me to live knowing that I care enough to let someone I love be happy. Even if it means I can’t be a part of it.
Making you smile’s enough.
“I do not wish to burn any longer.”
I want to turn off the whole world, so that it would make sense for us to feel so alone in it. Are we the only ones? Sometimes I wonder. It makes sense for us to be the way we are, to speak not of devirginization and cunt corruption. Chastity is sensical. Maybe in more than one sense of the word. It pains me to watch the others, and see...
Me: I want to be a Librarian.
Dad: I want to send you to the moon without a space suit. It's not going to happen.
Me: But you just want me to go to business school like everybody else. I want to do something different.
Dad: You're already different from everyone else. Leave the Libraries to the C-students.
Me: The world is run by C-students. I want to be a music teacher.
Dad: No, you don't.
Me: I want to be happy.
Dad: I do too.
Me: It's too late for you. I want to live among academics and artists.
Dad: Me too. If I could have stayed in college forever, I would have. But guess what? I ran out of money.
Me: Forget this. I want to be an astronaut.
Dad: *Sigh.*
I feel like somehow the world is becoming a better place. I don’t know how this is possible. But I like knowing I’m going to be a part of it.
It’s so life-affirming to hold another person in your arms and feel how much they care about you, especially after you’ve done something terrible, something that could be enough to make them hate you. Reconciliation is possibly...
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!
20 days.
2922 days?
Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.
dundalone112: I'm Bored.
madpersoreborn: Me too.
madpersoreborn: Hey, I'm also really bored.
dundalone112: . . .
madpersoreborn: Did I just repeat myself?
dundalone112: I'm thinking yes.
“The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistorical acts; and that...”
– George Eliot
By the numbers:
680, 640, 710.
I made inaugural brownies.
“Put white frosting on them.” hahaha
Laughter is half-hearted. I wasn’t meant for this, if I was meant at all, and yet I seem to be enjoying it.
“Your waist looks so tiny!”
If only you knew. I feellikeasausage.
You make me feel beautiful, but there’s no need to dress up for that. I suck at...
Infinitesimal
I feel vulnerable, and that scares me.
I miss feeling untouchable; I miss being in control. I feel like Kevin Spacey in Pay it Forward: as long as I stick to a precise order of things, I’ll feel fine, and the burns on my face won’t bug me so damn much.
I punched my locker today, now I have one knuckle on each hand busted open.
I don’t feel safe anymore, people always dying,...
Eleven months tomorrow. I’m amazed.
I am truly blessed to know you. You’ve changed me in ways I’m not even sure I understand. You make me want to do the right thing, you make me want to love and trust again. And I’m not afraid. “I’m naked around you, does it show?”
You see right through me. “My defenses hit the ground, and they shatter all...
I miss the way things used to be, sometimes. But not today.
:)
I can’t seem to write anything (even though I need to!) But it doesn’t bother me too much.
Strange how I’d choose to go to a place with 8 million other people in order to be alone.
But it’s a paradoxical world we live in. And you better believe I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been thinking a lot about the past, and I know that I’m making things better than they were. It’s too late turn turn back now. I’ve always known that. The...