I can’t deny it anymore.
You’re on my mind. I don’t like it. But I’m letting you stay there. Kicking you out would feel all wrong. I like being near you. I just wish it weren’t so difficult to compose myself, stay strong, stay committed. I haven’t wavered yet. Still I worry that I might. One misstep, one hand wrongly placed on your shoulder or in your hair could send everything up in smoke. Everything we’ve worked for, the only thing we know. I can’t stop now, it’s nearly 14 months. I beg myself, be reasonable! I’m happy with things as they are. But why, then, do I feel so lost sometimes? Why am I susceptible to the power you hold over me, taking this fear of losing control and showing it to me?
I want too many things at once. Who can say where the day goes?
Only time.
P.S. (Of course I still love you.)
